Still in a mood
I'm still on a downer, so beware.
I left off complaining that I wanted some attention. That's true. I wish I could have someone around who really wanted to spend time with me. But I don't. Instead, I hang out with a guy who has no interest in me above the shoulders. Why? Don't I know that I deserve better than a (sing it Stevie) part-time lover relationship? Yes, yes, I do know all that but I still hang out with this guy when he calls because it's better than nothing. Perhaps he's in the same boat as me. I don't know. We don't really talk about that stuff so much. My head feels like it's going to explode when I think about it too much since this is the same stuff I've been talking about for 10 years (literally, for those of you who haven't known me for that long - I just checked the journals and I even bore myself with the repetition).
But to the job...I have to change my attitude about it really quickly or I could see myself getting turfed sooner than later. I'm in a foul mood when I arrive and it gets no better by the time I leave. People I work with think I have no sense of humour and are surprised when I crack a joke. This is not good. I'm a fun person to be around. I can get reference letters to that effect but this life, this job is no good for me.
I need to get out of the news mill. I wonder if doing something like documentary work (in any media) would be more my speed. I like the research aspect of the news. I don't like the daily justification of my existence and the need to produce copy for the sake of attracting advertisements. I don't think we do people a service by providing them with 30 seconds (or less) of information about a topic. Or at least I'm not comfortable with it. I know there are good things to be done in this private radio format...like if someone hears something in that 30 sec bit and gets really motivated to become involved in that particular issue. That's great. But I just don't think it happens very often, if at all. Then, I think, why don't I just get into PR and support a company or organization I believe in. Maybe make a living wage (shocking idea) and get some experience so I can finally get to where I want to go. Which, by the way, keeps getting farther and farther away from where I'm standing.
OK, that's the end of my tirade of depression and gloom. Next time I post, I will have something positive to say, even if it's simply that I've been going to a really great therapist. As always, comments are welcome.
I left off complaining that I wanted some attention. That's true. I wish I could have someone around who really wanted to spend time with me. But I don't. Instead, I hang out with a guy who has no interest in me above the shoulders. Why? Don't I know that I deserve better than a (sing it Stevie) part-time lover relationship? Yes, yes, I do know all that but I still hang out with this guy when he calls because it's better than nothing. Perhaps he's in the same boat as me. I don't know. We don't really talk about that stuff so much. My head feels like it's going to explode when I think about it too much since this is the same stuff I've been talking about for 10 years (literally, for those of you who haven't known me for that long - I just checked the journals and I even bore myself with the repetition).
But to the job...I have to change my attitude about it really quickly or I could see myself getting turfed sooner than later. I'm in a foul mood when I arrive and it gets no better by the time I leave. People I work with think I have no sense of humour and are surprised when I crack a joke. This is not good. I'm a fun person to be around. I can get reference letters to that effect but this life, this job is no good for me.
I need to get out of the news mill. I wonder if doing something like documentary work (in any media) would be more my speed. I like the research aspect of the news. I don't like the daily justification of my existence and the need to produce copy for the sake of attracting advertisements. I don't think we do people a service by providing them with 30 seconds (or less) of information about a topic. Or at least I'm not comfortable with it. I know there are good things to be done in this private radio format...like if someone hears something in that 30 sec bit and gets really motivated to become involved in that particular issue. That's great. But I just don't think it happens very often, if at all. Then, I think, why don't I just get into PR and support a company or organization I believe in. Maybe make a living wage (shocking idea) and get some experience so I can finally get to where I want to go. Which, by the way, keeps getting farther and farther away from where I'm standing.
OK, that's the end of my tirade of depression and gloom. Next time I post, I will have something positive to say, even if it's simply that I've been going to a really great therapist. As always, comments are welcome.
3 Comments:
At 10:53 PM,
Hungry J said…
Dude, it's all about the long form journalism. And not having a job you hate, that's a pretty big part of what it's all about too. And friends, can't forget the friends. Yep, I'd say you've pretty much got it covered.
When you figure out how to get those all handled at once, PLEASE TELL ME.
I'm using all you JSkool classmates as my guinea pigs to figure out what the hell I should be doing come next year.
So far marrying an ex-Mormon law student and learning the intricacies of hip-hop dance is winning.
At 11:34 PM,
Hungry J said…
Blogger's being weird. All showing my comment on one page but not the next. This is a bump comment.
At 11:37 PM,
Hungry J said…
Gah! It still hasn't worked! How will you know that I sympathize if it won't show up on the main page?
You'd have to go check the "Post a comment page to see my support, and that's something only a crazy person would do.
Crazy or drunk at two in the afternoon.
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